How to develop and keep consistently cheerful & content children. 

Our homes are meant to be happy places. The addition of children is only supposed to make it even more happy. Children really are amazing – they are cute, creative and funny in ways that adults have just forgotten how to be. God’s will for our homes is that they would be filled with a consistent atmosphere of joy and contentment. We cannot expect perfection from the kids: we live in a fallen world and we would be demanding them to be something that we ourselves fail to be. However, we should expect that our children receive their rightful place, which is to be gladly obedient and under submission. Their role is to be a good-natured citizen of the home – a joyful participant – not a tyrannical, fit-throwing dictator. If this is God’s design and desire, then it is possible (with God’s grace and practical, Biblical wisdom) to develop these traits consistently in them. We will look at two ways to achieve this goal… 

1. Insistent, Persistent & Consistent Discipline. 
2. Modeling Cheerfulness & Humility. 

Discipline

Children do not come into the world angels; neither are they demons; but kinda somewhere in between. They are made in our image – meaning they got some work to do. Children arrive to the world morally deformed and corrupt needing reformation and correction. Psalm 58:3 says “The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.” Psalm 51:5 David says, “Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.” Ephesians 2:3 tells us that those cute little bundles are “by nature children of wrath.” Children come into the world very needy: they need love, comfort; they need to be fed, changed and played with – but they are also in desperate need of correction & discipline. If they have a poopy diaper, are overtired or miss a meal they will not be content and cheerful; but neither will they be content and cheerful if they go without much needed rebukes and spankin’s. 

Discipline by definition is the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior: using punishment to correct disobedience and rewards to praise obedience. Children can be trained. In fact, they are always being trained – every day – the code of behavior (the culture of their home) is being instilled in them. The question though is: which code of behavior are they being trained to follow? Are they being trained to obey or disobey? Children will not naturally grow into patient, submissive, quiet, cheerful creatures. That kind is possible, but it requires dedicated training on the part of the parent. Like anything in this world that we want to work seamlessly, parenting requires focused and faithful attention. A conditioned athlete cannot miss practices and fudge their healthy eating routine. Neither will a child become conditioned to joy if parents regularly skip moments of training. So, we need to train our children to obey. How do we do this? Three key elements are being insistent, persistent and consistent in our discipline. 

 Insistent. The first thing we need to do in training is to give our children crystal clear instructions. There must be no confusion with either parent or child about what the rules are. For example:  

• How many times is it acceptable to disobey mommy or daddy? 
• What kind of attitude is required when we obey?
• Must the children obey immediately, or can they take their time and obey when their schedule permits?  
• What is the consequence for disobedience?
• Is everyone on the same page here???

It should go without saying, but we will say it anyhow – that it is the parents who should be making the rules, not the children. And this being the case – it is also the parents responsibility to make sure that everyone keeps the rules – EVERY TIME. So, right now, in your home life, how many times is it ok for your child to disobey? The only right answer should be zero. If that is your rule as a parent – are you keeping the rules by ensuring that every single time they are disobedient they receive the appropriate consequence? If not, then are you not training your children to be disobedient? If you don’t keep the rules, then why should they? The only correct posture for a parent to assume is that of insistence. We must demand that our children (God’s children that we are responsible for) do the right thing. Refusing to obey, mocking, throwing fits, laughing, running away, screaming and damaging things are not acceptable. If you allow your children to do any of these, and you allow them to consistently do these things, then you are training your children to be discontent and unhappy. Every single time there is disobedience, there needs to be a fitting consequence. So, what is the Biblical method of correction? Hint: it is not giving them a cookie or privileging them with watching a movie.  

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early, diligently).

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. 

Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

The Bible is very, very consistently clear – The Biblically prescribed method of discipline is not yelling; it is not giving them a “time out;” or putting them on drugs; but is rather corporal punishment (physical punishment): the Rod. Whatever tool you use, it is understood that force needs to be appropriate to the age and physical constitution of the child. Our goal is not to damage or abuse the child; but the rod is not accomplishing its purpose if it does not hurt. A more precise goal is that we are looking for it to sting. Spanking on the butt is a great place, since it is tender, but also well padded. And also, instinct just seems to point us in that direction for some reason.  

So, here we go. The child knows the rules. You know the rules. Dad or Mom gives a simple command, the child obeys quickly and cheerfully and everyone stays happy. Or, the child disobeys: he or she does not swiftly and cheerfully obey. Dad or Mom removes the child from the situation to a private location, and said child receives an appropriate “bee sting” for being foolish. Which leads us to the next element of effective discipline: persistence. 

This is a very important moment in the correction process. It can make or break your whole effort. What do you do, as a parent, if you are in the “correction room,” in the very act of administering corporal punishment, and your child is still breaking the rules: not being submissive; not being completely obedient to you? What are you to do? Well, what are the rules? If they are not cheerfully obedient, every single time – including, and especially including now – then they need a few more “bee stings” in the bee-hind. Disobedience has not been fully dealt with until there is 100%, absolute, cheerful submission. The self-will of the child must be broken and surrendered to the supreme-will of the parent. There should be no bad attitude; zero hesitation to comply; If they are old enough there needs to be verbal apologies. If this is done correctly: parent and child will both emerge from the correction chamber cheerful, settled and at peace. A sense of purity, righteousness and reconciliation should fill the air. The parent should have total confidence that they are in absolute control of the house and the child. 

Now, if this is done, and done consistently, the good news is that the child will be conditioned with the mindset that their parents don’t play games. What is the result? They are going to more consistently keep the rules, because who likes bee-stings? And what are the rules? If I am happy and submissive then mommy is happy.

The third key element in effective discipline has already been alluded to several times: the all important practice of being consistent. Parenting is a full time job and a primary job. If there is anything more important to you than your child’s welfare, then your priorities are mixed up. And part of their welfare is getting an attitude change as much as a diaper change. Take the time to deal with their disobedience now, or else you will be forced to deal with their disobedience later (and it will take more time and energy later). The happiness and contentment of your child will largely depend on how consistent you are in discipline. If it is occasional their cheerfulness will be occasional; if it is sporadic, then you are communicating to your child that they are not that important; they are not worthy of continual care. But if you are diligent; if you raise the standard to happiness, and keep the bar there, then that’s most likely where they will live. There should not be one time when your child is ruling the roost. They will attempt a run on your rightful authority at times, but that needs to be nipped in the bud.  

Having covered the process of insistent, persistent and consistent discipline. We will conclude with an encouragement to model cheerfulness & humility to our children. Most things are better caught than taught. Children are very impressionable. If you are gentle and cheerful (combined with giving them consistent and godly discipline), chances are – they will be too. If you yell at your kids while givin’ them a whoopin’, or instead of givin’ them a whoopin’, then you are not keeping the rules and it would be good for them to see you apologize for doing wrong. If you fail to correct and punish them for wrongdoing, it would also do them good for you to apologize for that. Children respond better to action than anger. If you are frustrated with your children (which is probably due to you not training them properly) and you react to them in an unkind way, then they are probably going to react to you and others in unkind ways. Paul tells us to provoke not our children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) We are to rear them up in the same way that the Lord rears us. Our Father is strict, but he is also lenient, kind and merciful. He is firm, but gentle. He always responds to our disobedience, but does not weigh us down with burdens too hard to bear. Children are childish, we must remember that; just as our Father knows our frame and remembers that we are dust. We should pity our children as God pities us. Reassure them that you love them, that you forgive them, and that you understand that it is hard to be a child. Make sure they know that you are sorry for not being a perfect parent: for the times when you are too hard, and for the times when you are too soft. Hate disobedience in them and hate it also in yourself. Be as eager to vanquish wrongdoing in yourself – in this parent-child relationship – as much as you are to vanquish it in them. Discontentment and disobedience is from the Devil, so don’t let him in your home. 

No one wants a child who could at any moment blow up and completely change the family plans. If we follow God’s wisdom in this area, we will enjoy God’s blessing in this area: Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. (Proverbs 29:17)