I am the privileged father of three beautiful girls, now becoming little women. I probably should have written this letter a long time ago, but later is better than never. Among other prayers, my prayer for you is that you would be earnest and thoughtful to develop your own convictions before God in every area of life: striving to please and glorify God in everything, for, “whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). I do hope that you would especially consider the heart and perspective of your parents, since it is God that made you our daughters for a reason, and knowing that our advice comes from a heart unmotivated apart from love and goodwill. So, I love you, and may this advice help you mature and be wise, ultimately leading you to happiness. 

I’m glad to say that without having really used make-up throughout your life each of you have been praised for being beautiful. The Lord did a stellar job (as he always does) at creating each of you distinctly beautiful in your own way. My first hope is that you would recognize that God is the greatest sculptor, and that any attempt to “improve” on his design for you would by default be a failing venture. As these beautiful lyrics explain, “As I look off into the distance, watching the sun roll on by- beautiful colors all around me, painted all over the sky. The same hands that created all of this – they created you and I. What a beautiful God” (Shawn MacDonald). If given the opportunity, would you attempt to paint a more magnificent sunset than the Lord? Would you try to establish a more glorious mountain than he has? No. We would be off somehow: too bold, too bright; not enough subtlety, not enough contrast, etc. The masterful artists simply imitate God’s handiwork well. So it is with you, God made you the very best version of you that you could be. So, believe in his handiwork. You may want to look different than you do, maybe more like some other women, but you will only be at best a 2nd rate imitation of them and lose yourself. God thinks you are the most beautiful just the way you are. 

I’m not yet talking about whether or not you should or shouldn’t wear make-up, or how to handle it if you do. I’m speaking directly to something much deeper. When you go to God in prayer, in the secret place, just you and God, you don’t need make-up or jewelry to feel attractive and to know that you’re loved. You don’t have to alter your appearance to please him. Isn’t that a wonderful truth, that he loves you just the way you are? I pray that this confidence, settledness of heart and peace of mind permeates your spirit, so that when you are in public you also wouldn’t feel compelled to be something more or something different than God made you. I know your mom and I love you with this same kind of love, and my prayer is that you would be surrounded by girl friends and boy friends who love the real you, not a superficial version of you. 1 Samuel 16:7, “But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth [which is the correct way to see]; for man [the fleshly, worldly man] looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” Which leads me to my next thought…

The condition of your heart and the quality of your actions is where God defines true beauty, not on the appearance of your skin. “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion (wisdom, discernment)” (Proverbs 11:22). A strikingly beautiful woman (with or without makeup) with a bad attitude, a bitter spirit or immoral behavior is ugly to God and also ugly to godly people (the people you truly want to be attractive to). In your life right now, if you compare your desire to look outwardly pretty versus being inwardly beautiful, which one weighs heavier on your heart? In all the days you have ahead of you to continue growing up, meet people and go places, I pray that every day your priority would be to have a simple, clean, childlike, joyful and beautiful inside, and afterward be concerned about what needs attention on the outside. It seems to me that the more a woman is insecure in who she is, the more she will want the attention of man over God, which will inevitably lead to more reliance on her flesh in order to feel valuable. A woman who rests in God’s delight of her will have much less of an impulse to embellish her exterior. If she knows she’s already loved and accepted, why would she feel deeply compelled to use her body to try to get the attention of others?   

Every part of Scripture was written with a certain topic in mind. Passages specifically directed towards women often focus on appearance. Your appearance is a big deal to God, to you and to everyone. Think about the cosmetic sections of stores related to women and how little there is relating to men! Haha. So, consider with me a few of the passages directly related to the subject we’re speaking about . . . 

Paul, in giving specific instructions about how to behave in church gatherings, instructs women to “…adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety (respect, being appropriate) and moderation (restraint, avoiding extremes), not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing (flashy, expensive), but, which is appropriate for women professing godliness, with good works.” (1 Timothy 2:9-10). The emphasis for women is to focus on being clothed with good works rather than self attracting clothes or cosmetics. Of all things that could be given as instruction to women in worship, why this admonition? And why for the ladies and not the men? Well, we should first admit that if this is what God put as the challenge, then it must be what women need to hear the most. But then we just turn to experience, which agrees, that so many women – whatever the reason – are so compelled on Sunday morning to show up looking good (attractive). A woman that is strikingly attractive is powerful (yet not in a healthy way), much like a man simply with a lot of money or great influence. 

Let me take a little detour from this passage, but continue speaking directly to this natural temptation that every female faces… Men were created to be builders, hunters, warriors, so their manly instinct is to be pursuers. Women, on the other hand, were created to help a man in his pursuits, so her innate desire to be pursued. Her heart’s desire is to be found by a man. Boys love adventure stories and girls love the love stories. In addition to this, it just so happens that God placed inside of men eyes that really like the way that women look and put in women a deep desire to be looked at, or seen, noticed and pursued. Mix all a dat together and, yes, you got a solid recipe for a smoochie love story, but also for a cunning, devilish plan of temptation. Adam fell ultimately not because the food looked good, but because Eve looked better. He ate the fruit she offered to him. This fine tuned boy/girl romance of pursuer/pursued is mysterious, exciting, fulfilling and very, very dangerous. The reality is that you, my daughter, want to be seen. You need to be seen above all of the rest if one day you’ll be noticed by your prince. Wake up and realize that the Tempter is going to tempt you – with every tool he’s got – to do something ungodly to get this attention that you crave. There is a boy out there right now: God’s first choice for you. There are billions of other young ladies your age. How is he going to find you? With God nothing is impossible. God’s first choice will notice you when he is ready (not before and not after). He is looking for a girl that’s not looking for him, but looking for his God. The Holy Spirit will show him your sweet demeanor, submissive spirit, concealing clothing, and your real face that has the fingerprints of the Master sculptor on it. He won’t recognize you if you have on a worldy costume and a mask. If you unwittingly and unwisely yield to the temptation to attract men before it is time, or in a manner that God isn’t behind, you will attract someone – you’ll attract many actually – but they won’t be God’s first choice. 

Notice a couple places from Scripture that highlight how the ungodly woman uses appearance and cosmetics to attract ungodly men. The book of Proverbs warns young men to not fall into the trap of the strange woman, “Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids” (Proverbs 6:25 ). We can safely assume her “beauty” is not inward beauty or the natural beauty of her face, but rather the embellishment of her body with exotic cosmetics. There’s something she does with her eyelids that baits the simple man. The next chapter warns that she wears the clothes of a prostitute. What does a prostitute typically look like? A very short, tight skirt, high heels, boobs sticking out, thick red lipstick and makeup, an elaborate hairdo all presented with a provocative demeanor. Something like that. Try not to look like a prostitute as much as possible. 2 Kings 9 tells us the story of Jezebel’s death. Jehu was anointed by God to put away evil in Israel and to punish the wicked ruler Ahab and his wife Jezebel. Jezebel knew that Jehu was coming into the city to kill her and what power did she rely on to try to evade her doom? She put on makeup and fixed her hair! She was going to try to seduce him; to use her body to manipulate him into submitting to her, like she always did in her life. Don’t be like her… All of that to say that you are not above this temptation. It will be part of your path. Be aware of your fallen heart and the devil. You can overcome by God’s grace and his Holy Spirit, to be faithful and watch God bring you the right guy, at the right time in the right way.           

Back to the Timothy passage…

He said that women should dress in “modest” clothes. We use this word alot, but I want you to understand more deeply what the idea is, so think about this. One way to understand modesty is to be self-effacing, meaning “drawing attention away from yourself.” It also has the idea of being not excessive or expensive, so an appearance that is plain, simple or humble, some would even say homely. A modest home is one that is not very big or fancy, it’s nice but basic. There’s not really a “wow!” factor when people see it. Immodest dress is less cloth, more skin; it’s goal is to reveal rather than conceal what’s underneath. Modest clothing wants to hide what’s behind there. Modesty is sober, reserved and respectful. Think of a drunk, sloshy, disrespectful and flamboyant woman. Now think of how she is dressed. Now think of a dignified, chaste, serious woman intent on her business. What does she look like? Does all of this seem unfair? Doesn’t it somewhat feel like, “I guess God just wants me to wear a big brown paper bag and never look good!” If so, notice the tug of your heart and how looking good means a lot to you. Wearing a bag though would also be immodest. You can be balanced and simple and yet at the same time pretty. The point is that when people see you it should be your gracious spirit and your good works that are immediately noticed!     

Another related passage is in 1 Peter 3. Again, in giving specific instructions to women, Peter writes, “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands” (1 Peter 3:3-5). What is truly precious to God? A lady with a gentle and quiet spirit, coupled with a submissive demeanor. This type of woman is actively trying to deflect attention, not be the center of it. She is there to serve. This is attractive to God. It is Christ-like. He came into the world quietly, concealed, to serve. Notice also he says that the hidden man of the heart is not corruptible (it doesn’t decay). Cosmetics are superficial. It’s not who you truly are. Your heart is who you truly are and no amount of mascara or blush can cover it up. I’m not saying that makeup is sinful. It can be if you are relying too much on it. But it’s just to make the point that, all things considered, it is completely superficial. It’s not really important when it comes to what defines you as a person.    

One more related Scripture. Read Proverbs 31 about the virtuous woman. The word “virtuous” in 31:10 means “strong or capable.” It is most often used to describe military force, as in “the host of the LORD.” The passage goes on to describe this wonderful woman: the ideal woman, we’ll say. The description is mostly about her works, some about her moral character, but basically nothing about her appearance, except to say metaphorically that “strength and honor are her clothing” (31:25). The passage ends by saying, “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain (fleeting, futile, empty): but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates” (Proverbs 31:30-31). Wisdom doesn’t rely on or prioritize fleeting beauty, instead she is focused on doing good and being good. So, in your life journey of deciding who you are, remember these principles. FOCUS on the heart: guard it, challenge it, wash it and fill it with God’s love for you.

It is true that we live in a world subjected to a curse. The earth bears thorns and the face produces pimples. Man was made to till the ground, to dress and to keep it. Creating, restoring and beautifying is a godly task. So, as a man landscapes his front yard and paints his house to the glory of God, it is a good thing that you would trim your hair and decorate your face to the glory of God. The goal of the carpenter and painter is to achieve natural beauty, restoring and only adding things that complement nature. Your goal (in my opinion) should be to use cosmetics to restore your appearance as much as possible to what God originally intended. I think of our cat Buster, how he is so exotic looking with that deep, sharp black coloring around his eyes. God didn’t make you a cat so don’t try to be like that. I also think about cultures like native tribes who heavily paint their bodies and hide their faces, who also worship animals and desire to have the traits of the animals they worship. We’re not animal worshippers. We worship the one true God who is a Spirit, and if our focus is on him we’ll want to “look” like him, which is purely a spiritual matter. Again, the real value in all of this is mainly on the emphasis. There is nothing inherently sinful about make-up/cosmetics. The earth is the LORD’s and its fullness. It’s what we do with it that matters. It may seem like from this letter that I am against it, but I’m not. I’m against the misuse of it, which I’m sure is going to be a temptation in your life. But I believe that if you internalize deeply what I wrote above and seek to put it into practice, the Holy Spirit and the grace of God will lead you into a balanced and healthy relationship with all cosmetics. I love you. May each of you continue to become more and more beautiful in the days ahead, and may the Lord give you the grace you need to use every self care tool for his glory.