Contentment

Cheerful Children

/ Lee A. Robinson / Leave a comment

How to develop and keep consistently cheerful & content children. 

Our homes are meant to be happy places. The addition of children is only supposed to make it even more happy. Children really are amazing – they are cute, creative and funny in ways that adults have just forgotten how to be. God’s will for our homes is that they would be filled with a consistent atmosphere of joy and contentment. We cannot expect perfection from the kids: we live in a fallen world and we would be demanding them to be something that we ourselves fail to be. However, we should expect that our children receive their rightful place, which is to be gladly obedient and under submission. Their role is to be a good-natured citizen of the home – a joyful participant – not a tyrannical, fit-throwing dictator. If this is God’s design and desire, then it is possible (with God’s grace and practical, Biblical wisdom) to develop these traits consistently in them. We will look at two ways to achieve this goal… 

  1. Insistent, Persistent & Consistent Discipline. 
  2. Modeling Cheerfulness & Humility. 

Discipline

Children do not come into the world angels; neither are they demons; but kinda somewhere in between. They are made in our image – meaning they got some work to do. Children arrive to the world morally deformed and corrupt needing reformation and correction. Psalm 58:3 says “The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.” Psalm 51:5 David says, “Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.” Ephesians 2:3 tells us that those cute little bundles are “by nature children of wrath.” Children come into the world very needy: they need love, comfort; they need to be fed, changed and played with – but they are also in desperate need of correction & discipline. If they have a poopy diaper, are overtired or miss a meal they will not be content and cheerful; but neither will they be content and cheerful if they go without much needed rebukes and spankin’s. 

Discipline by definition is the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior: using punishment to correct disobedience and rewards to praise obedience. Children can be trained. In fact, they are always being trained – every day – the code of behavior (the culture of their home) is being instilled in them. The question though is: which code of behavior are they being trained to follow? Are they being trained to obey or disobey? Children will not naturally grow into patient, submissive, quiet, cheerful creatures. That kind is possible, but it requires dedicated training on the part of the parent. Like anything in this world that we want to work seamlessly, parenting requires focused and faithful attention. A conditioned athlete cannot miss practices and fudge their healthy eating routine. Neither will a child become conditioned to joy if parents regularly skip moments of training. So, we need to train our children to obey. How do we do this? Three key elements are being insistent, persistent and consistent in our discipline. 

 Insistent. The first thing we need to do in training is to give our children crystal clear instructions. There must be no confusion with either parent or child about what the rules are. For example:  

  • How many times is it acceptable to disobey mommy or daddy? 
  • What kind of attitude is required when we obey?
  • Must the children obey immediately, or can they take their time and obey when their schedule permits?  
  • What is the consequence for disobedience?
  • Is everyone on the same page here???

It should go without saying, but we will say it anyhow – that it is the parents who should be making the rules, not the children. And this being the case – it is also the parents responsibility to make sure that everyone keeps the rules – EVERY TIME. So, right now, in your home life, how many times is it ok for your child to disobey? The only right answer should be zero. If that is your rule as a parent – are you keeping the rules by ensuring that every single time they are disobedient they receive the appropriate consequence? If not, then are you not training your children to be disobedient? If you don’t keep the rules, then why should they? The only correct posture for a parent to assume is that of insistence. We must demand that our children (God’s children that we are responsible for) do the right thing. Refusing to obey, mocking, throwing fits, laughing, running away, screaming and damaging things are not acceptable. If you allow your children to do any of these, and you allow them to consistently do these things, then you are training your children to be discontent and unhappy. Every single time there is disobedience, there needs to be a fitting consequence. So, what is the Biblical method of correction? Hint: it is not giving them a cookie or privileging them with watching a movie.  

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early, diligently).

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. 

Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

The Bible is very, very consistently clear – The Biblically prescribed method of discipline is not yelling; it is not giving them a “time out;” or putting them on drugs; but is rather corporal punishment (physical punishment): the Rod. Whatever tool you use, it is understood that force needs to be appropriate to the age and physical constitution of the child. Our goal is not to damage or abuse the child; but the rod is not accomplishing its purpose if it does not hurt. A more precise goal is that we are looking for it to sting. Spanking on the butt is a great place, since it is tender, but also well padded. And also, instinct just seems to point us in that direction for some reason.  

So, here we go. The child knows the rules. You know the rules. Dad or Mom gives a simple command, the child obeys quickly and cheerfully and everyone stays happy. Or, the child disobeys: he or she does not swiftly and cheerfully obey. Dad or Mom removes the child from the situation to a private location, and said child receives an appropriate “bee sting” for being foolish. Which leads us to the next element of effective discipline: persistence. 

This is a very important moment in the correction process. It can make or break your whole effort. What do you do, as a parent, if you are in the “correction room,” in the very act of administering corporal punishment, and your child is still breaking the rules: not being submissive; not being completely obedient to you? What are you to do? Well, what are the rules? If they are not cheerfully obedient, every single time – including, and especially including now – then they need a few more “bee stings” in the bee-hind. Disobedience has not been fully dealt with until there is 100%, absolute, cheerful submission. The self-will of the child must be broken and surrendered to the supreme-will of the parent. There should be no bad attitude; zero hesitation to comply; If they are old enough there needs to be verbal apologies. If this is done correctly: parent and child will both emerge from the correction chamber cheerful, settled and at peace. A sense of purity, righteousness and reconciliation should fill the air. The parent should have total confidence that they are in absolute control of the house and the child. 

Now, if this is done, and done consistently, the good news is that the child will be conditioned with the mindset that their parents don’t play games. What is the result? They are going to more consistently keep the rules, because who likes bee-stings? And what are the rules? If I am happy and submissive then mommy is happy.

The third key element in effective discipline has already been alluded to several times: the all important practice of being consistent. Parenting is a full time job and a primary job. If there is anything more important to you than your child’s welfare, then your priorities are mixed up. And part of their welfare is getting an attitude change as much as a diaper change. Take the time to deal with their disobedience now, or else you will be forced to deal with their disobedience later (and it will take more time and energy later). The happiness and contentment of your child will largely depend on how consistent you are in discipline. If it is occasional their cheerfulness will be occasional; if it is sporadic, then you are communicating to your child that they are not that important; they are not worthy of continual care. But if you are diligent; if you raise the standard to happiness, and keep the bar there, then that’s most likely where they will live. There should not be one time when your child is ruling the roost. They will attempt a run on your rightful authority at times, but that needs to be nipped in the bud.  

Having covered the process of insistent, persistent and consistent discipline. We will conclude with an encouragement to model cheerfulness & humility to our children. Most things are better caught than taught. Children are very impressionable. If you are gentle and cheerful (combined with giving them consistent and godly discipline), chances are – they will be too. If you yell at your kids while givin’ them a whoopin’, or instead of givin’ them a whoopin’, then you are not keeping the rules and it would be good for them to see you apologize for doing wrong. If you fail to correct and punish them for wrongdoing, it would also do them good for you to apologize for that. Children respond better to action than anger. If you are frustrated with your children (which is probably due to you not training them properly) and you react to them in an unkind way, then they are probably going to react to you and others in unkind ways. Paul tells us to provoke not our children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) We are to rear them up in the same way that the Lord rears us. Our Father is strict, but he is also lenient, kind and merciful. He is firm, but gentle. He always responds to our disobedience, but does not weigh us down with burdens too hard to bear. Children are childish, we must remember that; just as our Father knows our frame and remembers that we are dust. We should pity our children as God pities us. Reassure them that you love them, that you forgive them, and that you understand that it is hard to be a child. Make sure they know that you are sorry for not being a perfect parent: for the times when you are too hard, and for the times when you are too soft. Hate disobedience in them and hate it also in yourself. Be as eager to vanquish wrongdoing in yourself – in this parent-child relationship – as much as you are to vanquish it in them. Discontentment and disobedience is from the Devil, so don’t let him in your home. 

No one wants a child who could at any moment blow up and completely change the family plans. If we follow God’s wisdom in this area, we will enjoy God’s blessing in this area: Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. (Proverbs 29:17)

OUR DAILY SPREAD

/ Lee A. Robinson / 2 Comments

Living the Lord’s Prayer, Part 4 – – – “Give us this day our daily bread”

*The video ends a few minutes short. Make sure to read the last few paragraphs of the article.

Can any of us (at least in America) say that we pray this prayer for what it actually says? When is the last time you woke up in the morning and prayed, “Father, thank you for waking me up today. Among other things, I’m not sure what my family and I are going to eat today, but we trust you to take care of all of our needs. You are a good, heavenly Father, and you know what we have need of. Amen.” I can say that I have had days like that, but very few. I have to say as well that I had those days because of necessity, not because of choice (I’ll talk more about that in a little bit). Every day I think most of us give thanks to God for our bread (which we should), but how many of us actually pray for our bread. This article will discuss the spirit of the “our daily bread” prayer, and will also look at how we can embody that spirit, so we can actually see God answer this request in our lives. 

Physical or Spiritual “Bread?” 

Is Jesus instructing us to ask the Father for physical bread or spiritual “bread?” I think everyone would agree that “bread” here is representative of “necessities,” but is it referring to our daily physical or spiritual needs? The famous publication “Our Daily Bread,” which has daily devotional tid-bits, may have many people assuming that the prayer means, “Father, give us the words of wisdom we need to live by today.” Do we need God’s grace on a daily basis for our spiritual, mental, emotional, relational needs? Of course, but those concerns are covered under the headings of, “Hallowed be thy name…thy kingdom come…thy will be done…forgive us our debts (sins)…and lead us not into temptation.” The fact that Jesus had in mind physical bread (necessities) seems pretty apparent to me. It makes perfect sense that way; there is nothing in the context to indicate that he had otherwise in mind; and also,  if Jesus did mean physical bread, how else could he have said it, to make it clear that that’s what he meant. It’s clear, but I’m afraid that we may have some intuitive hesitation to lean away from the literal meaning because of the implication it may have on our lives. If he does mean literal bread, how can we even begin actually praying this prayer if our cupboards are already full? 

The Spirit of the Prayer

In Matthew chapter 6, Jesus is instructing his followers to practice three spiritual disciplines: giving, prayer & fasting. Each of these disciplines have practical benefits, but there is a greater purpose shared by each of them – we could call it the “spirit” or heart of the disciplines – which is trusting God. Does practicing giving meet real, practical needs? Sure, but a greater need is us learning to trust God with our finances. God doesn’t really need our money to get his work done. Does practicing fasting free up your mind, body and time? Sure, but a greater need is for us to trust God to be our source of satisfaction in life, and so on. I think that within this prayer, “Give us this day our daily bread,” Jesus is trying to communicate to us about A WAY OF LIFE, not merely leading us to ask God for our daily provisions.

Consider the Lilies

What is this “way of life” Jesus is speaking about? The same chapter as the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6) gives us further insight. In discussing the difference between being heavenly minded and earthly minded, Jesus says, “Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?” (Matthew 6:25) Jesus is telling us to not be anxious, worried or even concerned about our basic necessities. It should not be the focus of our lives. Why? Because there are deeper things in life that need to occupy our hearts, minds and time- “The life is more than meat, and the body more than raiment.” 

He then says to consider, or think carefully about, the ravens (Luke 12) and the lilies. The ravens do not plant, harvest, or store up food in barns, yet they eat and survive. They do not have a job with a guaranteed weekly pay stub, bank accounts, refrigerators, pantries, deep freezers, investment funds, or insurance policies, yet they are not worried about life at all. We got some serious issues. If God feeds his pets, how much more can we be guaranteed that he will feed his children? Not only the ones made in his image, but those remade in the image of his Son, those who are washed and in his favor eternally?? What about the lilies? They do not labor (toil, struggle), nor do they take great pains to make their appearance, yet Jesus says they are more beautifully clothed than even Solomon was in his glory! Now, this is crazy, because at least the ravens do something to get their food – they hunt or scavenge. Yet, the lilies do nothing except rest and soak in what nutrients God brings them. Wow. These are presented as examples for how careless we should be about the acquisition and security of our physical necessities in our lives.

Did Jesus practice what he preached? He sure did. One day a man wanted to follow Jesus, and Jesus warned him, “The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.” (Matthew 8:20) I love how it is put in the hymn “Thou Dids’t Leave Thy Throne,” “The foxes found rest, and the birds their nest, in the shade of the forest tree; but Thy couch was the sod, O Thou Son of God, in the deserts of Galilee.” Jesus did not have a home; he didn’t have a guaranteed weekly pay stub for his labor; he didn’t have a bank account, savings account, credit card or investments. Yet, he survived. He thrived. There was no one happier, more secure, more useful, more giving than Jesus, even though he did not have a guarantee of all of these necessities. 

Jesus was on a mission – to seek and save the lost. He said, “I have meat to eat that ye know not of…My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.” (John 4:32,34) No one worked harder than Jesus; no one had more responsibilities than Jesus; yet no one was more free in life than Jesus. 

He understood the perfect balance of working hard/laboring/discipline combined with rest/freedom/spontaneity. He worked hard, without guarantee of pay, mostly misunderstood, and yet was loved and provided for. He was free from the demands of man, yet fully devoted to the demands of God. “You cannot serve God and mammon.” Jesus understood that if you seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; all these things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6:33) He didn’t say that if you value God in your life that God will give you the strength to work and provide for yourself. He is saying that if you work for God, the provision will be brought to you, like the liles. 

Was Jesus a pauper? He actually was. Pauper: poor person. He was a pauper, but he wore a seamless robe, which from my understanding was a unique and expensive garment in his time. How did he get the robe? The Father brought it to him somehow. There were rich people who ministered to Jesus at times. 

Jesus lived a very ascetic life, one of self-discipline and abstention, yet there were times when Jesus fellowshipped and feasted. But it was always when the Father said so. And I believe that he enjoyed the spread, the laughs and the experiences more fully than anyone else, because they were always gifts, unearned but deserved (because of his labor for God) and timely. 

Was Jesus a monk? No, he was on a mission, but he was certainly truly pious, often praying alone for long periods of time. I’m not suggesting we all become monks, but I definitely think us American brothers could use a couple extra shots of monkish flavoring.

I struggle to find to the right words to express what I see in Jesus – He truly did live like the ravens and the lilies. May God help us to have this kind of freedom, carelessness and obedience to God our Father! 

The Manna Story

God wants his people truly trusting him, even for our necessities, on a daily basis. This is illustrated well by the story of the Manna in Exodus chapter 16. Yahweh gave his people miracle bread from heaven, mainly as a rebuke against their murmurings, but also to teach them that God is more than able to be trusted for everything on a daily basis. Notice how carefully God instructed his people to only gather what they needed: “This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded, Gather of it every man according to his eating, an omer (approx. 1 gal. dry measure) for every man, according to the number of your persons; take ye every man for them which are in his tents. And the children of Israel did so, and gathered, some more, some less. And when they did mete it with an omer, he that gathered much had nothing over, and he that gathered little had no lack; they gathered every man according to his eating. And Moses said, Let no man leave of it till the morning. Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto Moses; but some of them left of it until the morning, and it bred worms, and stank: and Moses was wroth with them. And they gathered it every morning, every man according to his eating: and when the sun waxed hot, it melted.” (Exodus 16:16-21)

Yahweh laster told the people why he fed them with daily bread in this fashion, “And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no. And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live.” 

The life is more than meat. Israel had a purpose, to be a light to the nations. That kind of task is too grand for his people to be too concerned with mundane and earthly things. God provided miracle bread for his people, his disobedient people, for forty years, in the desert. It is a miracle how God provides for us, I’m not denying that at all. But experiencing miraculous provision doesn’t necessarily say anything about your spirituality, godliness or effectiveness in partnering with God to be a light to the nations. Miraculous provision should be understood for the child of God – especially one desiring to do his will. If we can’t trust God to miraculously put bread on the table, how are we going to trust him to supply the Spirit for abundant life today? Or to add new souls to the church? Over-abundance is a very dangerous thing. It is a huge temptation to forget the faithfulness of God and begin trusting in ourselves. Hear how God warned his people about over-abundance, “When thou hast eaten and art full…Beware that thou forget not the LORD thy God, in not keeping his commandments, and his judgments, and his statutes, which I command thee this day…And thou say in thine heart, My power and the might of mine hand hath gotten me this wealth.” (Deuteronomy 8:10-11,17)

“There’s nothing wrong with having nice things” 

Have you ever heard a preacher or another Christian say, “Now, there’s nothing wrong with a Christian having nice things, we just can’t let them become idols or a distraction in our lives.”? O.K. Yes, I agree in general, but this is hardly the kind of thing that American Christians need to hear! Instead, they need to be WARNED that their STUFF can easily and subtly rob them of revival, quench the Spirit, distract them from prolonged prayer, meditation in Scripture and winning souls! American Christians by and large have nooo problem with being too puritanical, too frugal, or too cautious about indulgence! “Make sure all those believers know that it’s ok for them to have nice things!” Are you kidding? We are over-worked on over-time, over-fed on over-abundance, and over-spent on over-drafts! We are the church of Laodicea. We are the generation of Haggai who laid the foundation of the temple, but then left off raising the walls because we are too busy meticulously wainscoting our own homes. No, we need to be told to fast; sell things, get rid of things; stop buying stuff you don’t need; stop buying stuff at the price and quality you do – even if you can afford it; downsize; stop being so busy. Sacrifice for Christ; pray more, longer; read more, longer; evangelize more, disciple more. Make time and money for Christ! These are the types of things I believe we should be proclaiming to our people! Why? Because there is a danger in being surrounded by abundance…   

Feed Me My Portion

In Proverbs 30:8-9 we find the prayer of Agur, “Give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient (my portion; prescription; necessary) for me: lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the LORD? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain.” He is in effect saying, “God, you know what I need. If I determine how things go in my life I’m sure I will mess it up in some way. You know the adequate amount of resources that I need to live on and be happy with, but also will keep me trusting you well.” There is a danger in having too much. We can become like Nabal the Fool who derided David’s servants, “Who is the son of Jesse!”

1 Timothy 6

In the midst of Paul’s polemic against greedy people and wealthy society, he gives these warnings, “But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” (1 Timothy 6:9-10) In inordinate view of money or possessions can unwittingly lead us into temptations, traps, foolish lusts, perdition, apostasy, many sorrows, and many more dangerous thing not listed here. How are we doing, as American Christians, in our relationship with “things” and money? Are we content and moderate? 

Paul here defines for us what contentment truly is, “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.” (1 Timothy 6:6-8) Having food and raiment (covering – clothes and housing) is God’s definition of what we need. God is saying that if you have food to eat, clothes on your back and a roof over your head, then you should be satisfied. We know full well that Paul here does not have in mind five-star dainties, elegant costly attire and mansions. He is certainly not saying, “Be content with your luxuries.” In another place he said, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (Philippians 4:11-13) 

What should we do? “Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy; that they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate; Laying up in store for themselves a good foundation against the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life.” (1 Timothy 6:17-19) 

(1) Don’t be high-minded, high-maintenance or attracted to high-society, “Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.” (Romans 12:16) Having nice possessions and high status can trick us into thinking that we are godly somehow on account of those things. (2) Don’t trust in your riches, because they make wings and fly away. If it was all taken away from you today, would your faith be shaken? Would you be shaken? If so, repent, and ask God to help you to get your trust right. (3) Learn to find pleasure and enjoyment in the simple things that God brings to us. Also, learn to wait on God and enjoy the earthly things as God brings them to you, not you going on and procuring them for yourself. (4) If you have the ability to have a high standard of living, don’t choose to. God gave you a lot of money or resources because that is a major part of how he wants to use you for his kingdom. “To whom much is given much, much will be required.” (Luke 12:48) If your wages are above average, then so should your giving. If a large percentage of your time is spent earning a large salary, then a large percentage of your pay should go to those working in the Lord’s harvest fields. He says here to the rich to be “rich” in good works.

Here is how I would try to concisely describe the Christ-like way of life we should be striving to live: Every believer (especially men) should be a hard-worker – expect no one to pay your way; strive to increase your productivity and earnings while decreasing your standard of living; fast often; strive to give away more of what you earn, while receiving and living more on miracles; if you haven’t done this in a while – prove God’s faithfulness in your life by giving away all of your money, or a large enough amount to where you have to trust God for the outcome (Luke 21, the poor widow cast in all that she had); find out a way to prove to yourself, in a measurable way, that you are actually living by faith; that you are truly able to pray, “Give us this day our daily bread.”  

Press Toward the MarkPaul said, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.” (Philippians 3:13-15) I in no way am saying that I live up to what I have presented in this article, though it is my heart’s desire and aim! I confess that it is the standard and that it is possible. Similar to the fact that God’s command, “Be ye holy, as I am holy” is the standard, though we all seem to fall short of it, so it is with the spirit of this prayer, and the way of life Jesus lived- we all seem to fall short of it, but may we strive after it, to become more like our Lord and so that his kingdom can be strengthened and furthered in the earth!