Feelings of betrayal can arise from a range of interactions with others: someone you love and trust may have simply let you down in some way, all the way up to a trusted “friend” intentionally putting you into harmful circumstances. Betrayal hurts deeply in a peculiar way because of the sensitive breach of trust. You made yourself vulnerable to another in love and they exploited that openness to stab you in the back. “For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: but it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company” (Psalms 55:12-14). As sinful, broken humans ourselves there is a huge temptation to handle betrayal wrongly. We must patiently allow the Spirit of God to teach us how to respond. This article takes a look at the life of a very godly man (King David) who suffered much betrayal and how he correctly responded to it. We’ll mainly focus on David’s interactions with the people of Keilah and the Ziphites (1 Samuel 23) along with corresponding Psalms he wrote during that time in his life – Psalms 52 & 54.
David didn’t deserve betrayal. He was such a spiritual champion of his time: he had a heart pounding for God; he was a talented musician/songwriter; he was a courageous, powerful warrior; and he was a divinely anointed King. His story intersects with the mainstream when he alone stood up to the giant Goliath, defeating him in an epic showdown. This thrust him into immediate fame, recognition and position. As a result, King Saul ended up contracting severe jealousy (he “eyed David from that day forward”) and became obsessed with killing David. David was faithful to Saul: his greatest warrior, a faithful friend and even comforted Saul through playing his harp for him. What did David get in return for all of the goodness he showed to Saul? Betrayal. A javelin to dodge – twice. Alos, Saul promised David that if he continued to serve him by fighting for Israel that he would give David his daughter Merab to be his wife, but when the time came she was given to another man. Wow, that is so messed up… Eventually David ended up having to flee and hide for his life. One place he came to was a city name Keilah…
David had heard that an enemy was attacking Keilah so he asked the LORD if he should go help them, and the answer surprisingly was, “Yes, go.” I say “surprisingly” because David was on the “most wanted list” of the King. The most prudent thing for David to do, it would seem, would be to lay low, not to thrust himself out in the public limelight again, but he loved God and Israel, so he went. So David and his small army came to Keilah and ended up saving the city from the Philistines. What kind of relationship and reputation do you think David established with the community in Keilah by doing this? You would think they would be overwhelmingly grateful and feel totally indebted to him, but the opposite ended up happening…Keilah would betray him.
Saul was delighted when he heard the news that David was in Keilah because it was a walled city – it would be easy to trap David in there, to catch him and have him killed. When David found out that Saul was planning to come, he prayed and first confirmed with the LORD that Saul was intending to come. Then, for some reason, he had a suspicion and asked the LORD, “Will the men of Keilah deliver me and my men into the hand of Saul?” And the LORD said, “They will deliver thee up.” (1 Samuel 23:11-12) What! Really? Whaaooh… After David and his men just saved your life, your family and your city, you’re now going to turn him in? Yuuup… You’re going to hand him over to a wicked king?… It is what it is. So David fled from Keilah. But that’s not the end of it…
From there he ended up in the wilderness of Ziph. The long story short here is that the Ziphites proactively betrayed David: “Then came up the Ziphites to Saul to Gibeah, saying, “Doth not David hide himself with us in strongholds in the wood, in the hill of Hachilah, which is on the south of Jeshimon? Now therefore, O king, come down according to all the desire of thy soul to come down; and our part shall be to deliver him into the king’s hand.” (1 Samuel 23:19-20) The Ziphites were not even asked or threatened by Saul, they just went ahead and turned him in. Fortunately, God once again worked in favor of David and delivered him from the hand of Saul.
You can imagine how the series of events: Goliath – David ministering to Saul and fighting his battles – javelins – to fleeing and barely escaping death – to Doeg turning David in – to Keilah – to the Ziphites… You can imagine that at this point David is feeling pretty discouraged, betrayed, abandoned, alone, etc. How did David handle all of this? Let’s look at a few things . . .
- Pray.
Psalms 52 & 54 were one of David’s chief responses to these betrayals in his life. David was a man of prayer. He prayed about the situation with Saul. He prayed in reaction to Doeg turning him in and killing the priests of the LORD (Psalm 52). He prayed about whether to go up to Keilah and whether he should leave Keilah. He prayed in response to the situation with the Ziphites. In each time prayer either gave David specific direction or comfort through the situation.
Prayer is a safe place to run to and hide. It hurts to be betrayed. It has a peculiar power of cutting deep into the soul. It’s because the central basis of your relationship was undermined – trust was utilized for personal attack. It is friendly fire. You were stabbed in the back by the exact one who was supposed to watch your back and protect you. It makes you feel like you cannot trust anyone any more.
BUT…
GOD is truly our sufficient refuge. Run to him in prayer! He will never do you like that. He is too good. God doesn’t need to use us for his own gain: the earth is the LORD’s and its fullness. He doesn’t need to gain any more power: he has all the power. He doesn’t have selfish cravings that need to be fulfilled: he is the source of all things, of Life itself, more pure than rays of light. So when you feel betrayed or forgotten, run to God in prayer. Get alone with Him. pour out your complaints, fears and anger to him. He is the perfect and only completely trustworthy counselor. Ask for his help against those who hurt you. Ask him to deal with them in a saving way if possible, and for him to deal with your enemies in his justice. God will comfort you with his love and he will remind you that even if the whole world would be against you (which isn’t the case) you would still have enough if you only had him.
- Trust God to righteously deal with those who have betrayed you. Don’t revenge.
David was given the opportunity multiple times to kill Saul and take the crown that God had rightly given to him, but instead he committed the situation to the LORD. We know that in the end Saul was killed in battle and the whole nation came to appoint David as king with great honor and a spirit of repentance & reconciliation with him. This exaltation was far better than what David could have achieved on his own. What probably would have happened if David took matters into his own hands would be that the people would think that David treasonously murdered the King and unrighteously stole the kingdom. Then very few would trust him or be faithful to him. God’s ways of straightening things out is far better than what we can accomplish.
Psalm 52 is David’s prayer to God to God in response to the situation with Doeg: “God shall likewise destroy thee for ever, he shall take thee away, and pluck thee out of thy dwelling place, and root thee out of the land of the living. Selah. The righteous also shall see, and fear, and shall laugh at him: lo, this is the man that made not God his strength; but trusted in the abundance of his riches, and strengthened himself in his wickedness.” (Psalm 52:5-7) According to Rabbinic literature Doeg died a shameful death as a leper. Either way, everything we know from Scripture would lead us to think that Doeg died a miserable man under the judgment of God for all that he did.
How are you responding to the person, or people, that have betrayed you? Are you vengeful? Are you looking for opportunities to hurt them? Are you betraying them now? If so, stop. Remember David. Remember Jesus on the cross. “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:19-21) Whoever your betrayer(s) are, do your best to love them. Wish them well. If possible do them well. In the end God will straighten things out.
- “Trust in the mercy of God forever and ever.” (Psalm 52:8)
The word here for “mercy” is the Hebrew word chesed which in a fuller sense means “loyalty, covenant faithfulness, joint obligation, steadfast love, goodness, grace.” When others betray us we must lean back on Almighty God, Yahweh (the One who always IS), the all-powerful, all-wise, ever present, omnibenevolent God; the One who has promised, secured and guaranteed his favor and loyalty to us through the shed blood of Christ on our behalf. God has given himself fully to you if you are in Christ. If you are a child of God, then God is for you (Romans 8). And if God is for you – who can be against you? It may not seem like God is working (Remember Joseph in the dungeon, or Job in his affliction, or David in the cave, or Jesus on the cross), but he has swore an oath by his own name to work graciously in your life through every detail and event. David learned through all of this “Surely goodness and mercy (chesed) shall follow me (pursue after me) all the days of my life.” “The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy (chesed) for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty…” (Exodus 34:6-7)
- Just continue fighting the LORD’s battles, no matter how counterintuitive it may seem.
When Saul was saturated in jealousy David continued as a warrior in his army. When David was being spied on and hunted he continued to fight in public. When he was afraid to even live in the land of Israel for fear of betrayal he still continued to fight Israel’s battles. The last thing you probably want to do when you’re betrayed by someone close to you is to continue being loyal and faithful to causes that will benefit those people. Whether at home, church, work or just in the world, continue doing the good thing that God placed you on the earth for. Continue benefiting those who have hurt you.
It’s not easy: David’s struggle with rejection and excommunication by Saul and others in Israel were a waaay tougher enemy to David than Goliath and the Philistines. After the situation in Keilah and Ziph, it would totally be understandable that David would not want to help out another Israelite town again. But David was able to look over the shoulders of his unfaithful brothers and see the Redeemer of Israel. He had the grace to love the heritage of Yahweh and expend his life for her good, despite the unfaithful in the land. Don’t let your heart get hard. Don’t clam up and hibernate. Move forward. Put one foot in front of the other with humility but confidence in Christ.
- Recognize that you do still have true friends.
The songs of David reveal how often David felt like he was all alone and how difficult it was for him to trust people, but through it all there were always people who were truly David’s faithful friends. One in particular stands out – Jonathan. Jonathan knew early on that David was a special man called by God to lead the nation. He tried to pacify his father’s anger towards David. After David fled Jonathan met with David and this is the report, “And Jonathan Saul’s son arose, and went to David into the wood, and strengthened his hand in God. And he said unto him, Fear not: for the hand of Saul my father shall not find thee; and thou shalt be king over Israel, and I shall be next unto thee; and that also Saul my father knoweth. And they two made a covenant before the LORD: and David abode in the wood, and Jonathan went to his house.” (1 Samuel 16-18) Joanthan risked his own life to support David. He met him at a critical time in his life to encourage him. He spoke to David about the promises of God and good hope for the future. He vowed to be faithful to David no matter what!
You may feel alone, but you are not alone. There has always been at least someone who cares about you, who has not forsaken you, who understands you to a degree, out there. It may be a parent, or a sibling, or a friend. You may only see them or talk to them once a year or every few years, but those conversations are more critical than you might imagine. It is important to say here that it is critical to not isolate yourself and shut out other people. “Why would I get involved with other people – it’s just another person who is going to hurt me at some point.” We take risks no matter what we do: isolation has risks just as as building relationships with people. God made us to be relational creatures. We are not sufficient alone. There may be times when the only person we know to look to is God. He is the only one who will always be there for you. However, much of the time God listens to your brokeness through the ears of another person; he embraces you through someone else’s hug; he encourages and motivates you through another persons counsel. Recognize who your friends are, be thankful for them, and continue seeking out new friends. Remember – Jesus was friends with Judas knowing that one day he would betray him. It’s too hard for us to try to judge who will betray us from who won’t. Perhaps our most trusted friends are the ones who we would least expect.
- Have pity on those who betray you instead of bitterness.
If someone has truly betrayed you then they are weak themselves. They are probably being abused by some kind of besetting sin themselves that they are struggling through. Sometimes, unfortunately, we become the outlet of people’s anger when we didnt do anything wrong. Saul spread terrible rumors about David all over the country. Perhaps the Ziphites received false information about David and assumed that he betrayed Saul and the kingdom, and they thought the right thing to do was to turn him in. The Pharisees sure seem to have been thinking that they were doing the right thing by crucifying Jesus. Of course they were horrifyingly wrong and were superb hypocrites, but they couldn’t see it. So how did Jesus respond? “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” When people hurt you, more often than not they don’t see their actions as being as destructive as they are. We’re like that too – we tend to miss our sins and minimize the severity of its effects, while being hyper vigilant about seeing other people’s sins, and the effects of their sins have on others around them. I’m not recommending to excuse anyone’s sin, but I am suggesting that it would be wise to not let them hurt you even more than they have by letting bitterness take root in your soul. Try not to take it personally. You probably don’t deserve the betrayal. People are broken and unrighteously use others. God knows. Job was released from his season of difficulties when he stopped arguing with his friends and in pity started praying for them.
- Continue worshiping.
When David received the news about the people of Ziph betraying him he said, “I will freely sacrifice unto thee: I will praise thy name, O LORD; for it is good.” (Psalm 54:6) Don’t give up on God because one (or many) of his followers has let you down. We didn’t come to Jesus ultimately because Christians are so great. We came because we ourselves recognized that we were broken, lost, depraved and hopeless, on our way to eternal death and destruction. We came to recognize that our Creator came in flesh to receive in his own human body the pain, agony and torture for our sins that we deserved. We recognized that we betrayed our God. We left him and went astray. We cold heartedly used the life and body he gifted to us to do all kinds of selfish, sinful things with. Yet, he called us back to himself in love. He bore the consequences of our bad choices. He rose from the dead and has committed himself to us forever in a gracious relationship… This is why we began to worship him, love him, learn from him and serve him. This is why we began to love others in his name. So, continue. Say, “Thank you God for bringing this trial into my life. The blood of Jesus is all the proof I need to believe that this is better for me than if it never happened,” then begin to sing songs of praise to the goodness and faithfulness of God, whether you feel like it or not.
“If you never speak another word of blessing,
And your silence leaves me with a sense of loss,
I’ll remember when my heart begins to question-
Any doubt that you love me was settled at the cross.”