Joy

Cheerful Children

/ Lee A. Robinson / Leave a comment

How to develop and keep consistently cheerful & content children. 

Our homes are meant to be happy places. The addition of children is only supposed to make it even more happy. Children really are amazing – they are cute, creative and funny in ways that adults have just forgotten how to be. God’s will for our homes is that they would be filled with a consistent atmosphere of joy and contentment. We cannot expect perfection from the kids: we live in a fallen world and we would be demanding them to be something that we ourselves fail to be. However, we should expect that our children receive their rightful place, which is to be gladly obedient and under submission. Their role is to be a good-natured citizen of the home – a joyful participant – not a tyrannical, fit-throwing dictator. If this is God’s design and desire, then it is possible (with God’s grace and practical, Biblical wisdom) to develop these traits consistently in them. We will look at two ways to achieve this goal… 

  1. Insistent, Persistent & Consistent Discipline. 
  2. Modeling Cheerfulness & Humility. 

Discipline

Children do not come into the world angels; neither are they demons; but kinda somewhere in between. They are made in our image – meaning they got some work to do. Children arrive to the world morally deformed and corrupt needing reformation and correction. Psalm 58:3 says “The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.” Psalm 51:5 David says, “Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.” Ephesians 2:3 tells us that those cute little bundles are “by nature children of wrath.” Children come into the world very needy: they need love, comfort; they need to be fed, changed and played with – but they are also in desperate need of correction & discipline. If they have a poopy diaper, are overtired or miss a meal they will not be content and cheerful; but neither will they be content and cheerful if they go without much needed rebukes and spankin’s. 

Discipline by definition is the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior: using punishment to correct disobedience and rewards to praise obedience. Children can be trained. In fact, they are always being trained – every day – the code of behavior (the culture of their home) is being instilled in them. The question though is: which code of behavior are they being trained to follow? Are they being trained to obey or disobey? Children will not naturally grow into patient, submissive, quiet, cheerful creatures. That kind is possible, but it requires dedicated training on the part of the parent. Like anything in this world that we want to work seamlessly, parenting requires focused and faithful attention. A conditioned athlete cannot miss practices and fudge their healthy eating routine. Neither will a child become conditioned to joy if parents regularly skip moments of training. So, we need to train our children to obey. How do we do this? Three key elements are being insistent, persistent and consistent in our discipline. 

 Insistent. The first thing we need to do in training is to give our children crystal clear instructions. There must be no confusion with either parent or child about what the rules are. For example:  

  • How many times is it acceptable to disobey mommy or daddy? 
  • What kind of attitude is required when we obey?
  • Must the children obey immediately, or can they take their time and obey when their schedule permits?  
  • What is the consequence for disobedience?
  • Is everyone on the same page here???

It should go without saying, but we will say it anyhow – that it is the parents who should be making the rules, not the children. And this being the case – it is also the parents responsibility to make sure that everyone keeps the rules – EVERY TIME. So, right now, in your home life, how many times is it ok for your child to disobey? The only right answer should be zero. If that is your rule as a parent – are you keeping the rules by ensuring that every single time they are disobedient they receive the appropriate consequence? If not, then are you not training your children to be disobedient? If you don’t keep the rules, then why should they? The only correct posture for a parent to assume is that of insistence. We must demand that our children (God’s children that we are responsible for) do the right thing. Refusing to obey, mocking, throwing fits, laughing, running away, screaming and damaging things are not acceptable. If you allow your children to do any of these, and you allow them to consistently do these things, then you are training your children to be discontent and unhappy. Every single time there is disobedience, there needs to be a fitting consequence. So, what is the Biblical method of correction? Hint: it is not giving them a cookie or privileging them with watching a movie.  

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early, diligently).

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. 

Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

The Bible is very, very consistently clear – The Biblically prescribed method of discipline is not yelling; it is not giving them a “time out;” or putting them on drugs; but is rather corporal punishment (physical punishment): the Rod. Whatever tool you use, it is understood that force needs to be appropriate to the age and physical constitution of the child. Our goal is not to damage or abuse the child; but the rod is not accomplishing its purpose if it does not hurt. A more precise goal is that we are looking for it to sting. Spanking on the butt is a great place, since it is tender, but also well padded. And also, instinct just seems to point us in that direction for some reason.  

So, here we go. The child knows the rules. You know the rules. Dad or Mom gives a simple command, the child obeys quickly and cheerfully and everyone stays happy. Or, the child disobeys: he or she does not swiftly and cheerfully obey. Dad or Mom removes the child from the situation to a private location, and said child receives an appropriate “bee sting” for being foolish. Which leads us to the next element of effective discipline: persistence. 

This is a very important moment in the correction process. It can make or break your whole effort. What do you do, as a parent, if you are in the “correction room,” in the very act of administering corporal punishment, and your child is still breaking the rules: not being submissive; not being completely obedient to you? What are you to do? Well, what are the rules? If they are not cheerfully obedient, every single time – including, and especially including now – then they need a few more “bee stings” in the bee-hind. Disobedience has not been fully dealt with until there is 100%, absolute, cheerful submission. The self-will of the child must be broken and surrendered to the supreme-will of the parent. There should be no bad attitude; zero hesitation to comply; If they are old enough there needs to be verbal apologies. If this is done correctly: parent and child will both emerge from the correction chamber cheerful, settled and at peace. A sense of purity, righteousness and reconciliation should fill the air. The parent should have total confidence that they are in absolute control of the house and the child. 

Now, if this is done, and done consistently, the good news is that the child will be conditioned with the mindset that their parents don’t play games. What is the result? They are going to more consistently keep the rules, because who likes bee-stings? And what are the rules? If I am happy and submissive then mommy is happy.

The third key element in effective discipline has already been alluded to several times: the all important practice of being consistent. Parenting is a full time job and a primary job. If there is anything more important to you than your child’s welfare, then your priorities are mixed up. And part of their welfare is getting an attitude change as much as a diaper change. Take the time to deal with their disobedience now, or else you will be forced to deal with their disobedience later (and it will take more time and energy later). The happiness and contentment of your child will largely depend on how consistent you are in discipline. If it is occasional their cheerfulness will be occasional; if it is sporadic, then you are communicating to your child that they are not that important; they are not worthy of continual care. But if you are diligent; if you raise the standard to happiness, and keep the bar there, then that’s most likely where they will live. There should not be one time when your child is ruling the roost. They will attempt a run on your rightful authority at times, but that needs to be nipped in the bud.  

Having covered the process of insistent, persistent and consistent discipline. We will conclude with an encouragement to model cheerfulness & humility to our children. Most things are better caught than taught. Children are very impressionable. If you are gentle and cheerful (combined with giving them consistent and godly discipline), chances are – they will be too. If you yell at your kids while givin’ them a whoopin’, or instead of givin’ them a whoopin’, then you are not keeping the rules and it would be good for them to see you apologize for doing wrong. If you fail to correct and punish them for wrongdoing, it would also do them good for you to apologize for that. Children respond better to action than anger. If you are frustrated with your children (which is probably due to you not training them properly) and you react to them in an unkind way, then they are probably going to react to you and others in unkind ways. Paul tells us to provoke not our children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) We are to rear them up in the same way that the Lord rears us. Our Father is strict, but he is also lenient, kind and merciful. He is firm, but gentle. He always responds to our disobedience, but does not weigh us down with burdens too hard to bear. Children are childish, we must remember that; just as our Father knows our frame and remembers that we are dust. We should pity our children as God pities us. Reassure them that you love them, that you forgive them, and that you understand that it is hard to be a child. Make sure they know that you are sorry for not being a perfect parent: for the times when you are too hard, and for the times when you are too soft. Hate disobedience in them and hate it also in yourself. Be as eager to vanquish wrongdoing in yourself – in this parent-child relationship – as much as you are to vanquish it in them. Discontentment and disobedience is from the Devil, so don’t let him in your home. 

No one wants a child who could at any moment blow up and completely change the family plans. If we follow God’s wisdom in this area, we will enjoy God’s blessing in this area: Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. (Proverbs 29:17)

Will Heaven Be Boring?

/ Lee A. Robinson / 1 Comment

Can you think of any people that you just love to be around? It seems like time flies and you wish you could just be with them forever? It may be someone whose humor hits the spot with you, or someone who is so kind and understanding, or someone you simply adore? When we are with that person, it is not the setting or situation that makes it special – the person makes it special, and your relationship with them. It is not the things you possess, the activities you are doing, or the food you are eating that draws you in, but rather the person is all you need. It is enough to observe how they interact with the world around them, with you. Simply watching them is worth living. 

It seems as though most times, when heaven is thought about or discussed, there is more attention given to the setting rather than to the Person who we will be with. There will be no sin, no sorrow, no pain; streets of gold; the tree of life; the river of life. Yes, but all of those things are simply accessories, they are additions to the real thing – being with God. People say, “Heaven sounds boring – floating around on clouds for all eternity!?” That is not at all what Heaven is, but the main point is missed – Heaven is being with God! And being with God means that will will be in uninterrupted, unending fellowship with a Perfect Being of Love. No person on earth can truly satisfy us, especially forever. Everyone at some point either gets boring or frustrating, but God never will.  

Can you imagine the jokes that God will tell? We have experienced on the earth some pretty deep humor in our relationship with God. He knows how to reach deep into the depths to tickle our soul. What kind of laughter will be produced in us in the presence of an infinitely wise, good, and all-knowing God! And that added to the fact that there will be the utter absence of uncleanness and pride – those types of things that kill joy. You that belly laugh we all get when we crack up? It is surreal. Will we laugh like that for a thousand years? 

Can you imagine watching God at work or play? Have you ever watched in awe at a person working their craft? I have always been floored by how some artists draw or paint. Can you imagine watching God draw something? I’m sure there would be pin drop silence, and all of heaven with jaws dropped, amazed at his handiwork on a canvas. Have you ever watched a man with wonder doing some kind of task that requires great power? I remember staring at a video one time watching a man do what seemed like endless amounts of a variety of pull-ups, just thinking, “Man that is some strength right there.” Can you imagine what kind of works of power we will get to watch God perform? How about watching God bowling with planets as pins? Can you imagine the rumble of that strike!? Can you imagine being in the crowd of saints and angels cheering? 

Can you imagine hearing God sing or play an instrument? I absolutely love music. I get it. I love to just sit and close my eyes, contemplate and muse over music. It really strikes a chord with me for some reason :). There are times when I am just in awe over the beauty and inspiration of some pieces, it can be truly and deeply satisfying. But what will these be in comparison to God as composer? To experience him singing or playing? Our hearts will burst! We will be elevated straight up into the air. We will be totally floored. Can you imagine the standing ovations? Recitals lasting for a thousand years, each piece better than the one before, but the first was absolutely divinely magnificent?!  

We could go on and on about how wonderful it will be to watch God (we will one day). But then we could talk about things that hit home a little more. Can you imagine God doting on you? My wife sometimes just stares at me. Sometimes it can be a little embarrassing, but it is precious, because she is adoring me (at least I think that’s what she’s doing). Try to ponder God’s face, staring at you with a gentle smile and soft countenance, looking deep into your soul, non-verbally communicating to you, “You are mine, forever. I love you, forever. We are together, forever.” How could that be boring? More like thrilling and completely satisfying. What will His hugs be like? What will it be like to make plans together with God? There is much about my life right now that is an adventure- and a part of me wishes I had a thousand years to be able to do in this earth all that is in my heart, so I cannot imagine how interesting and thought provoking it will be to adventure with God in an unveiled state.  

What will it be like to be taught by God? Any true Born-Again Christian has experienced a supernatural relationship with the Bible. There have been times when we just sat back in fear mingled with joy saying, “This Book is alive!” But can you imagine His lectures in Person (no zoom meetings in heaven)? Lectures on any topic not just theology, but also physics, art, or communication? We will be learning, right? If Jesus as a man learned, then of course there will be learning and growing in Heaven. Can you imagine how profound those “aha” moments will be? “Whaat?”  

So, in answer to the question – No, Heaven will not be boring. It will never be stale, dull, uneventful, colorless, repetitive, flat or mundane. Each moment will overflow with inexpressible peace, joy, happiness, wonder, amazement, passion and super-abundant glory. And none of this is ultimately derived from the places or things that will be in Heaven, but rather from GOD Himself. O for that day to come! 

Do you have a loved one that has died? Imagine the glory they are in right now. 

Is life today feeling more like death? Hope in God. He is good, and will bring you to His Paradise in due time. This too shall pass. We are going on from glory to glory. And draw near to God. If Heaven is bliss because of God, not the setting, then recognize that you already have God. Our understanding is yet imperfect, but focus on who He is today, what He is saying and doing, and you’re guaranteed to find much more pleasure and joy than focusing on yourself or the things of this world. 

If you don’t know Christ as your Savior – today is the day to secure your future with Him. 

There is only one thing that would keep us out of Heaven, and keep us from enjoying Him forever. That one thing is sin. It is not a lack of religion or good deeds that keeps people away from God, but rather the presence of something unpleasant and repulsive to God – sin. God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If you want to be united with God today and for all eternity, you must be forgiven and cleansed of your sins. And this is all that needs to happen. Thankfully, God, in His love, gave His Son Jesus Christ to suffer and die for your sins on the cross. Jesus rose from the dead, ascended back to Heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God, as a Mediator or Advocate before God, our ultimate Judge. God has promised that if we acknowledge our sinfulness and trust in Christ’s offering for our sins, that He will forever forgive all of our sins, even our future ones. “Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord Jesus shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13) Call upon Him today, right now, and I’ll look forward to seeing you in glory!